A great upside of modern life is more choices. The range of work, leisure and relationship options is ampler than ever before and growing. Among trends that are gaining momentum is a dating mode that goes by the name 'soulmate in a box' or Smiab. Basically it's a tweet, an update, a photo, something shared online that brings two people together. Then they get into heavy chatting or texting or emailing. Flirting deepens with the sharing of deeper desires, thoughts and ideas. Physically, however, the couple maintain their distance. Cyber-intimacy satisfies Smiabs.
Basically Smiabs are looking to edit out all the anxieties and vulnerabilities they associate with real-life hookups. This doesn't mean that the feelings being exchanged aren't real. An affair rooted in hearts and minds can burn hot and torrid. Even sexual satisfaction doesn't depend on real-life physical transactions. In fact, emotional relationships that exclude real-life sex simply mirror sexual relationships that exclude emotions. Both are parts of the vast continuum of romantic possibilities enriching modern life. Marrying late, never marrying, marrying early, speed dating, never dating, online dating — the aisles are chock-a-block with choices in today's supermarket of love.
People of all ages are gravitating towards a Smiab lifestyle. But obviously it has a special attraction for the generation that's more comfortable with virtual relationships by virtue of having lived more of its life online. In general, this is also a healthy alternative for those who are shy or otherwise short of conventional "people skills". Everyone is looking for a happy ending. It's tough to find. But a variety of paths increases everyone's odds of success. Sure, Smiabs seek this success within the cocoon of their computer, tablet, or smartphone. They reject the messiness of physical relations but not the poetry of relating or the embrace of happiness.
Online dating sites destroy our most cherished romantic ideal — emotional intimacy or love. Youngsters mistakenly believe they are in love, assuming that if they see a photo or learn personal details about each other, are familiar with their star signs and political beliefs and preferences, they are all set to declare themselves as being in a relationship. But dating is not about sitting worlds apart, chatting online as a way to escape from ordinary life; it is often about experiencing many things together in the real world.
The virtual world promises being in love without falling in love, as if relationships online can be free from disappointments. In the real world, relationships are about adventure and risks — sometimes to overcome those very risks — and are qualitatively different from the virtual world of online dating sites where soul-baring is often thought to be secure and comfortable. Online dating often fails because there are many in cyberspace who don't look for love as much for casual sexual encounters or short and sharp engagements which involve little or no long-term commitment.
Besides, it is easier to break with a friend in a social networking site, where fulfillment is momentary, than with a real world friend. On the internet, it is as easy to make contact with complete strangers as it is to get rid of or forget them when you turn off the computer. People soon become disillusioned with each other, which has potentially devastating emotional consequences. Dissatisfaction causes those involved in online dating to become cold and detached. Consequently, those hooked to online dating sites cannot move from virtual flirting to real dating. Far from being a refuge from the real world, cyberspace does not quite offer romantic fulfillment, deepening the pitfalls of emotional as well as physical intimacy, leaving individuals in a state of dystopia.
